” What holds together the home and a marriage is the vision of God through the Man and the support of a woman towards that vision!” – Rev Benjie Djin
Upon reflecting on the message I received in church and various readings over the last few weeks, I decided to revise this post. So here goes, this isn’t an imposed view, its just a personal view and my understanding on the topic. If you had asked me why I wouldn’t marry someone a year ago, I would have said first because he doesn’t pap (not good looking), second because he doesn’t pap duh!!!! and then something as silly as he doesn’t make me laugh… can you imagine?!
To be honest the modern trend of weddings scares me to the core! So many people are in purposeless marriages and relationships that are leading no where. Marriage was meant to showcase Christ’s covenant relationship with the church. One of the purposes of marriage is to show forth God’s glory through the union and through the representation of Christ’s relationship with the church. Just like that relationship, we are joined together to become a unit or one flesh to accomplish a particular thing God has called us as a couple to do. To the world, being able to live together without divorcing is the yardstick for a good marriage but a good marriage is one that fulfills purpose, showcases Christ’s relationship with the church and brings glory to God …. period! The only reason we call a thing good is when it does what it was designed to do or?? So a good marriage can’t be one that just lasted till the end, one that both parties where content & faithful, one that brought kids to the world, one where there was peace, one where both parties were satisfied sexually. Don’t get me wrong all those things are great, even excellent but that is not the reason God created marriages, those are BENEFITS you get or the fruits born out of Godly marriages but not the REASONS you get married. Marriage is bigger than both of us (husband & wife) because it’s not a contract between us two but its a covenant with God. I am fighting hard not to continue this rant about weddings and marriages these days, fighting sooooo hard lol Anyway…
FIRST reason I won’t marry him is because He is an unbeliever (I mean you should have expected this lol) 2 Corinthians 6:14 “be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?” I think Paul was pretty clear with that one. This in no way means I can’t be acquaintances with non-Christians. As a believer, my life is Christ centered (well we are working on that) and my way of life and ethics are based upon God’s word. I need to be to be encouraged to trust, to hope, to have faith and obey the Lord, how can my unbelieving husband give me that? How would I encourage him if he is doesn’t believe in what I’m encouraging him based on? If he’s an unbeliever, then how would he lead me, like by which principles? There are also going to be conflicting ways in dealing with issues in the marriage and fundamental is how we raise a family.
P.S. BOYS WHO GO TO CHURCH AND READ DEVOTIONALS ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY LABELLED CHRISTIANS.
Anyway Girl, you are saving yourself a whole lot of trouble and baggage from just drawing a line when it comes to dating or marrying unbelievers. Someone would argue and say ah but I know some Christian people married to unbelievers and they aren’t divorced. Their not being divorced doesn’t necessarily mean they are fulfiling purpose. Let me add that being Christian doesn’t mean He has the exact qualities you need to make your marriage work. There is something that narrows down the choice for you amongst the many…it is something we call the Will of God but I’d discuss that a little later.
SECOND reason I won’t marry him is because he has no vision! I mean I won’t even think about it. Even if I thought of it, my father would never give me out to a boy without a vision! NEVER! Women were called to helpmeets in a marriage… HELPMEETS!!! What am I going to be helping you with if you don’t even know or haven’t even discovered the job at hand. This is why you don’t marry boys! A boy is anyone who doesn’t have a vision, and no I’m not talking about ambition where he’s set goals for himself but a vision which is God inspired, which is God-led! A vision is selfless, has the next generations in mind, it has Gods Glory and kingdom in mind, ambition on the other hand… Ambition is selfish! It’s wanting to get to a certain standard for personal gain. A vision is what differentiates a boy from a man. The Bible says ‘for this reason, shall a MAN leave His father and mother.” (Matthew 19:5) A man!!! A male with a Vision from God and actively pursuing it, not just a male who is of age, can afford to marry you and take care of you. A male without a vision cannot lead you, I mean let’s think about it, where is he leading you to anyway? Woman listen, a man would never value you as He rightly should if he has no vision because your value as his wife; helpmeet is embedded in Gods vision for his life!
“Absence of a vision reduces the marriage to a prison sentence with romantic benefits “- Rev Benjie Djin
THIRD reason is if he has no spiritual Father or Father figure in his life. Hallelujah if his biological father is also his spiritual one, like mine is for me. Someone of whom He can download spiritual wisdom and ideas and help from, which He carries, passes on to his kids and applies to his life, his home, his work and all his dealings. A father figure is without a doubt one of the most significant influences in the spiritual life of children. Deuteronomy 6:67 instructs Christian parents to sow eternal seeds of placing Christ at the forefront of all they do and say into the hearts of kids. I think if we lack such a person we have to carry it into prayer and let God show you the provision He’s made for us, one that would sow into us spiritual input that we will need and can use and also pass down to our kids. Our spiritual walk is not for us alone but to make sure our generations after us walk in what we did and carry on from where we left off. It’s an entire race so we finish our course of the race and hand over the baton to the next generation to continue.
FOURTH reason is if he has no respect or regard for his mother or the females he has in his life. Ha!! anyone who knows me well knows that this is one of the issues of life that angers me. Exodus 20:12, Eph 6:2 “Honor your father and MOTHER’ this was not emphasized in the bible much out of the sense of sentimentality but rather necessity. The way a man treats his mom and the females in his life (grand mom, sisters, aunties, cousins) will reflect on how he treats you, in my opinion. From personal experiences, I have noticed that all the men I have called gentlemen have awesome relationships with their mothers, sisters or some sort of female relation. Character traits he will form as a husband are formed right now with the habits he has with these women. To honor is to dignify, to respect, exalt, to rank in a high position. His attitude should be ‘God placed me under the authority and protection of this woman and He requires that I honor and obey her’. He needs to respect even the unspoken wishes of his mom, He needs to understand that to be a leader in his marriage and life he needs to be a submissive follower to his parents in which his mother is included. So for me if he doesn’t honor his mother , respect and regard the females in his life. FORGET IT!
I have more on this list but since I didn’t want to make this even lengthier than it already is being the kasapole that I am, I decided I would put them in sections, so this is the end of section one but I am definitely going to be doing an updated list as the Spirit leads, who knows I might get the Original crusader; my dad to feature on the next one! I’m praying hard for that hehehe until then, take care and stay blessed 🙂