I am still shocked how far ‘Why I won’t marry him’ has gone. I’m not sure if the ladies were subbing their future husbands, their boyfriends or trying to show their Ex why it didn’t work out. No matter the side you’re on I’m pleased you ladies were blessed by that post! Well, it’s time to turn the tables on us. This post is for the men, on why He shouldn’t marry you(us)
When your marriage doesn’t line up with what the Word of God says it’s simply not marriage. It’s playing house! How can someone invent something and then some random person who doesn’t know the mind of the inventor tell you what the inventor intended. Marriage is God’s Holy Institution. He created it and as such He’s the only one who sets principles governing it and the steps that would lead to success. Consequently, if your ‘thing’ is not built on the foundation of God then like I wrote, it’s you playing house. Yes, House! The fictional game we played as children where we tried to live like our parents and even produce children.
Let me get straight to it, Okay Men, the first reason why You shouldn’t marry her is that her prayer game is weak! Why you shouldn’t marry her if she doesn’t pray? Fellowship with God prepares her for the purpose ahead, prayer sustains her in His will, prayer empowers her to keep going, prayer guides her in how to handle the affairs of life and how to build it with you. As a woman, your protection is found within your husband so you should know how to pray that your husband stays on course and exalts the word of God above himself. Again as a woman, as much He covers you and protects you being the head, you also need to cover his blindside. The generic prayers of- ‘Blessed bless’ and ‘God bless the farmer’ praying women are cute but to marry? You want a woman who knows how to wage war, who knows how to pull down strongholds and knows that to be able to stand strong as a couple is to fall on your knees before the Almighty. One that knows that to obtain things in this realm is to call them forth in the spiritual realm. One that knows that prayer is her weapon and her shield. One that knows that the devil is a busy body so to slack is to give him entrance into your lives. One that knows that she’s as strong as a prayer life. That’s a woman you want to do life with.
And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. – Habakkuk 2:2
Second reason you shouldn’t marry her is if she’s not a reader! Yes, I think people who read are the coolest but I’m not talking about that sort of reading over here. I’m talking about a woman who possesses the ability to read the vision you’ve written so clearly! I mentioned in the other post that a woman shouldn’t marry a man without a vision because the core reason for marriage is to achieve purpose! Marriage isn’t about who you look cute with, who tickles your fancy, who covers your insecurities. A resounding No! If the institution of marriage was to bring together a man and a woman to achieve purpose with you leading the way, I think it’s only wise that your partner is also in the will of God for your life and most importantly she’s spiritually mature to be able handle the vision. Sometimes you’d find the woman alright but she’s not matured enough yet to go on the journey with you. She doesn’t catch what the journey is about. Trust me you are going to want to hit the brakes and make sure she matures in the things of God and in knowing her place in the vision before you proceed.
God won’t make sense- He makes faith after all He exists far above our logic; above our minds so it’s a good thing that your mind can’t always grasp the infinite wisdom of the Father. Sometimes your vision would demand some things from you, sometimes it would demand that you cut off some friendships and let go of some things and you would need your help meet to stand firm in those moments. I remember when the Holy Spirit started talking to me about this, He took me through the Bible and asked me to look at Sarah; Wife of Abraham, Noah’s wife, Elisabeth; Zachariah’s wife and I pondered over some of the things they heard their husbands say and saw them do. I think my favorite was picturing Noah’s wife. I mean your husband is there building some big boat because he said water is going to come from the sky and wipe the earth. Can you imagine what the other women said to her? How she felt? What was going through her mind? I put myself in her shoes and all I could say was- Wow! After year one I would have left him longest! In my own home, my dad often does things that don’t ‘seem’ proper but I have watched my mum not react in the manner I would. She knew what she signed up for, she knew the sort of vision He carried and what it would demand from them, she read the vision. He wrote it so clearly so though it seems ridiculous to me, she knows once He is in the will of God, He is doing exactly what needs to be done! Your relevance to her is in the light of your vision. Therefore, if she’s not spiritually mature to perceive the journey of purpose beyond today then you are going to have problems and this takes us back to our first point that she must be prayerful because it’s only through fellowship with the Father that the depth of your purpose can be revealed to her and also through fellowship that she can be empowered to embark on this journey with you. However, if you don’t know the vision yourself, kindly take a seat please!!
” The greatest damage I think the world is bringing to us women is the idea that we are supposed to be like men or that we should do what they do. That is killing our unique capacities and making us divert our divinely set courses.”
Men listen, if your wife can’t or doesn’t submit to the vision which you carry. As my pastor would say “You will have Di-Vision! Two visions can’t coexist in the same home so it would definitely cause division” and like my friend would say if you don’t understand that marriage is the union of a man as head and woman as helpmeet fulfilling purpose then why are you getting married?
Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house – Deuteronomy 21:12
Third reason you shouldn’t marry her is if she’s not a homemaker. I’m sure by now some girls have started adjusting their outfit because this one they pass! I mean is it jollof? Is it fufu? Is it cleaning? Washing? Shopping? House management? Hoh! Piece of cake! All these things would have checked out if I said house maker but I didn’t. A house and a home aren’t the same thing! To keep a house is the easiest thing ever. I mean our parents often acquire house helps to handle that, and often these helps are semi-literate, so if an unschooled person can pick up that job I really don’t think it’s a check for marrying someone. I mean yes, yes and yes she should be able to do these things (I’m setting myself up for the ‘feminists’) but it’s not a reason for marriage because then if you go eat Adwoa’s food and she cooks better than your wife then what happens to your wife? So no I wasn’t talking about her having house management skills.
“A home is an environment that nurtures you for the vision you are called for. The atmosphere where generations are born, legacies are created, inheritance is passed on, traditions and heritage of your vision are forged” – Rev. Benjie Djin
A home isn’t a place, it’s an atmosphere created by both you and the woman, where the vision carried by the man is made to blossom. Men, you are supposed to head your home, give the light unto your home! If your partner can’t submit to this vision, it means she’s going to knock down everything God is building with you and your family.
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: – 2 Timothy 4:7
Your purpose is eternal. It doesn’t start and end with you. You run your course of the race and hand over to the next generation. This is one of the reasons she must be prayerful and matured enough to read the vision because it’s only then that she can be a home maker. Strive to create an atmosphere your vision needs to blossom. You need someone who will with you see the light of God! You need someone who understands that this thing you are building isn’t a “joking stuff”! As such, messing it up doesn’t just affect you and her alone, it messes up generations unborn. The order in your home is dependent on her yielding to the prompting and Lordship of the Holy Ghost.
Point number four, you shouldn’t marry her if she’s a bastard. You can’t imagine the fight I had with the Holy Spirit concerning this one! If I had to sell all my belongings not to write this last point, I bet you I would have! When He said this last point, first thing that hit my mind was but ah some people have lost their fathers, some simply don’t have their fathers in their lives? So HS they shouldn’t marry or what? You see, I’m learning gradually to obey first and not wait until I fully understand Him before I do. The first thing He made me notice was how I wasn’t uncomfortable writing it concerning the men but the moment the tables turned and I gave room to my emotions and begun to consider whose feelings I may hurt I wanted to hold back. You see I didn’t say don’t marry her If she doesn’t have a father because that would have been foolish, but I said who hasn’t been fathered. They are two different things. Rev Benjie Djin says, “Fatherhood is a place/position you occupy by the knowledge you have”. A father is not a just person, it’s a person occupying a place! Similar to how years have gone and come, but the place or position of the president is occupied by different people. First off, someone can be fathered without having a biological father and in the same way someone can have a parent or like my pastor would say can have a sperm donor who doesn’t play the role of a father. It’s like having someone with the title president but you know he doesn’t preside over the affairs of the nation.
There is a case where there might be a person ready to play the role of a father but the child rejects his chastening. That’s the bastard I’m talking about. The Bible calls such a person a bastard! So no a bastard isn’t someone who doesn’t have a father, it’s someone who hasn’t been fathered, someone who hasn’t endured the chastening of a father. I’m not saying it, its right there in Hebrews 12:6-8. Fathers are very important parts of our lives, if the influence of fathers weren’t important, Rebecca wouldn’t fight so hard to get Jacob blessed by Isaac. Noah’s curse over his son wouldn’t hold, Abraham wouldn’t fight so hard to become one, God wouldn’t have needed Joseph; father of Jesus, after all he didn’t give seed in the making of Jesus and finally if it wasn’t a huge deal God wouldn’t call Himself a Father and Christ wouldn’t urge us to go to God saying ‘Our Father’. The emphasis then is, don’t marry a girl who hasn’t be fathered or rejects fatherhood! This means that she doesn’t grasp the entirety of authority, how do you expect someone who rejects the authority of a much older man to submit to you? How do you expect she becomes a home maker if she didn’t allow herself to be trained up in the light of a vision of a Father? In some situations, because there is a void created by the absence of a father, she tries to have you fill that void. God didn’t call you or position you to be ‘her father’ and her husband- that’s just so much work. You’d fail at both in the process. God isn’t man, He doesn’t make mistakes, He doesn’t slumber, doesn’t have a blindside. In the absence of a person to fill that slot of fatherhood, He raises up abled people to pick up that task. God doesn’t leave anyone to figure life out on their own! Yes, he plays the major role of being your number one Father but He also puts in place abled men here on earth to carry out this role when the biological one isn’t available or isn’t rising up to the task.
“Fatherhood is a place/position you occupy by the knowledge you have” -Rev Benjie Djin
MEN! The criteria for marriage is more than beauty and a banging body because in the face of adversity and fulfilling purpose her face and body cannot help you much there. It is irrelevant to the task at hand. I know this is hard to accept. Equally, it’s hard for us women to accept that being intellectual, beautiful and hardworking isn’t enough to make the marriage purposeful. Marriage is more than the butterflies in your tummy feeling and more than spending your life with someone who makes you laugh and all the extra things the world has made us believe. Marriage is an institution set to fulfill the purpose of God so until your union submits and conforms to the standards and principles of God, I’m sorry but what you are doing or planning to do might as well be labeled as I don’t know- ‘Distin’ because it’s definitely not marriage. Until you come to realize that as a Christian, God’s will for your life is bigger and more relevant than what you see, think and feel you’d just be living a lie. I don’t know about you, but forever is way too long a time to waste on someone who doesn’t aid in fulfilling the very purpose you were born for. If we viewed marriage as important and as precious as God viewed it, we wouldn’t be making choices and headed to places outside His Will.
There is more on this list and I would be bringing it as the Spirit leads.
I pray you were blessed by these words. xx