Oh dear! This post is looooooong overdue. This is my ‘prodigal daughter took a personal break’ post and the lessons I learned through it. So God was talking to me mid of the year and He told me to be selfish for 25, that I have been seeking Him for a word to post week after week so He thinks it’s time to withdraw and be selfish or well that’s what I thought of what He said. Afterwards, He brought to memory different wings of the August crusader from years ago and I got excited. So excited I forgot about the ‘Holiday’ from before. I don’t even know how I haven’t spilled all about where it’s headed on here. Even now as I write, I’m fighting the urge to mention it hehe but we are still pregnant and it’s not time yet! There is a long road ahead. LESSON ONE: God gives you a word today for the future. When He tells you something, it’s a seed and you are required to meditate on it till it fruits. Sometimes we are tempted to push it aside because we expect the word He gave us to fruit right when He told us. Sometimes we expect that once He showed us the promise land, there should be no wilderness in between. Sometimes we even throw away the word because it looks like nothing we are currently experiencing.
Let me give me you an example, you are praying for a new job or money to go back to school and God lays it on your heart to spend time praying for your health. I mean really God? I’m healthy in fact I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been. He must have missed the recipient of that Word. What i need is a job or that money! We are quick to forget that we are seeing today and maybe just maybe a week to weeks from now but God has walked our whole lives with us. So then you ignore and yes, He brings you the job or the money and then the devil comes against your health so you’d have sit the job out or use your school money to cover medical bills. The most annoying part is that then we turn to curse Him for not protecting us or warning us yet He did. So like I said God gives you a word today for the future. Don’t give up on it or don’t abort it because you haven’t seen what He’s said yet. Hold on to it because I know my God and HE DOES NOT LIE! (Numbers 23:19)
So yes I was super excited about this new area of this mini ministry. Things were making sense, people I had met and things I had experienced finally made sense to me. In the middle of all of this excitement, the serpent came to me and said ‘but didn’t God say you need to be selfish in your 25th year? Why is He now asking you to pick up new roles? ‘I’m sure He expects you to start up on these things later in life because He says this year is for you?’ And in my head I foolishly gave him my attention and replied ‘He did but I’m pretty sure I can put it on hold, He gives me grace to go on till i really need the break’. LESSON TWO: Never ever give the devil the opportunity I did. Pay him NO heed! When he comes into your mind, don’t assume you are strong enough to hold a little convo with him before you dismiss him. He’s a liar and He comes to steal, kill and destroy… you give him chance and he will sow his seeds of iniquity inside of you and like seeds, it would grow. Rebuke him and He shall flee. Don’t shake your head at the voice of the accuser, don’t kiss your teeth at him… no no no lift up a standard using the word of God and rebuke him till he flees. Don’t talk with him, talk to him. Counter his lies with TRUTH.
After I told him that, he left or well I thought he did. Days turned into weeks and so much was happening in my life. I was running low on juice. I was failing at things I shouldn’t be failing at, I was betrayed, I was insulted, disrespected, ignored, forgotten you name it. I mean everything was just headed south and then he showed up again. ‘you see Jewie, this is why God says take a break, be selfish! The same people you spend time praying for, giving counsel to, you make sacrifices for, you take the beating for are the same ones turning their backs on you, same ones forgetting you were there for them, same ones disrespecting you. I agree that you take time for you! A little self care hasn’t hurt nobody. It’s even advised that to give your best, you need to sometimes put yourself first and focus on you’. Honestly, right now I’m writing I know it was then that I should have caught that there was something wrong. Why on earth would the devil side with God? Why would he want God’s agenda for me? This just reminded me of Jesus tempted in the wilderness and the devil used scripture with Him.
This takes me to LESSON THREE: Don’t just accept anything because it’s sounds like God, judge the Spirit behind it because believe it or not the devil knows scripture as well and knows how to twist it to make sense enough for you to fall for his schemes. Judge the Spirit behind the words of people too. Also… this is something I’ve come to really learn, if you are unclear about something, run back to God and ask Him. I want to believe that that would have made all the difference in the garden, If Eve had run to God and said ‘what did you say about that tree again? Because I’m being told something else and it’s oddly familiar but not quite what Adam said You said’.
That is also what I should have I done. I should have ran back to the Father and asked Him what He was saying, not what I thought or what I heard of what He was saying. This is why I believe we need to know God for ourselves, have a personal relationship with Him that we can always ran to Him in times like these. This is how false prophets corner us, because they say one thing, it sounds ‘Godly’ and sounds true so we don’t seek confirmation from God. We just take it and run with it but this is a topic for another day. So no instead of running to God, I looked at what was happening around, what the devil was saying and frankly, it made sense so I decided no more writing for me or you guys. No more praying for anyone but myself and sometimes my family, no more giving counsel. Some of my friends would testify that when they came to me during that period, my response was ‘I’m minding my business now please’ or ‘it’s my selfish year guys’. There was great discontentment within me but I ignored it because God had said it and looking at what was happening with and to me, it made sense to take time off for me. You know self-care.
Most of us believe that self care is in being selfish. We believe that self care means taking a break off life and the routines you have going on, we believe it’s in taking vacations and taking leaves, we believe it’s in splurging on yourself, you know putting yourself first. We believe self care is in treating yourself. We women think of self Care and we think of turning off our phones, spa date, getting a mani-pedi, going away on Vacay. Personally, when I think of self care I think of wearing a white robe with that foreign way people wrap their hair with a towel with cucumber slices on my eyes, a face mask eating exotic fruits hehe
So after months and months of this struggle with myself, I finally decided to pick up my common sense from the trash, do the needful and that was to ask God Why I had ‘obeyed’ Him yet I felt so empty in my spirit. So I did and God said to me that ‘yes I did say in your 25th year I need you to exercise self care. I need you to be SHELLFISH’. Believe you me, when I heard that, I thought I either didn’t hear well or God had made a grammatical error. Maybe English isn’t His first language lol but No I heard it again and again and again. He said be a SHELLFISH! He said ‘You were seeking me for your posts, seeking me because you wanted to write instead of seeking me for me and in seeking me you gain to write. I needed you withdraw from the world and stop turning this relationship into an employer- employee one instead of a Father- daughter one. I need you to find my secret place and be still. I need you to cancel out the noise of the world and coil into your ‘shell’, work on yourself through Christ so you birth the precious gift I have put inside of you just like a clam births a pearl!’ At this point I was hyped at this revelation and was throwing up my two fingers to Heaven (me ma no two ha ha). I needed to withdraw because I need to seek Him first for Him and He would provide the other things like wisdom to put up posts but i was seeking BECAUSE of the posts and not for fellowship; not to know Him. Also in seeking Him first, I’d love harder, prayer harder for people, forgive easier. So LESSON FOUR: It doesn’t matter how much scripture you can recite and how much time you spend praying. If you don’t love and birth any of the fruit of the Spirit, I’m sorry but you are nothing. This Christian walk was birthed from Love and is sustained by love. Like it was said in a song my 7 year old niece put me on ‘proof of your love‘ by For king and country…. “ If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-7, The Message)”
You carry a gift from God that the world needs so He requires you to be still sometimes so you can find Him and in finding Him, you find yourself and what you were called to do/the direction you need to go. LESSON FIVE: Self care is giving yourself a life that doesn’t just look good but is actually good and you know that all good and perfect things come from the Father. True self care is aligning yourself to the will of God. It’s in seeking what He’s called you to do. self care is found in being exactly what we were made for in the environment we were divinely positioned in. There is no self care outside of Christ. I mean how do you care for a life without Christ. There is no life outside of Him so what would you be caring for? Self care is choosing to live a life you don’t need an escape from, choosing a life that is balanced, choosing a life that exudes the love of God.
Whew! Sorry I wrote so much. I didn’t even realize how long this post was till I needed to scroll up to the top. So yes I would not be taking breaks to be selfish anytime soon but the days of the automated Wednesday posts has come to an end. Some weeks would have more than one post, some weeks may have none and some may have posts on each day. I would like to apologize once again for being selfish and choosing to be my own god and put myself first even though I secretly knew within me that it was wrong. The prodigal daughter is headed home.
Until next time! Stay blessed loves. xoxo