I feel I need to mention this to you so you understand why for the last two weeks, I have shared semi-personal posts. I just felt that you need to be reminded that I’m your regular 24 year old. I’ve sat where you’ve probably sat or are currently sitting. Wait!!!!! I still sit there because I still sit behind my laptop and phone, scrolling through my newsfeed everywhere (twitter, fb, tumblr, instagram) and a little envious of how awesome some of these Christian bloggers have everything going on for them and I’m here waist-deep in the dirt.I don’t have it all together. It’s why I started this blog with the theme ‘naked&unashamed’.
I absolutely don’t have it all together!! My life online isn’t as it looks. That’s to say what you see isn’t entirely ‘chilled’ and well figured out all the time. I know so many times, I’ve seen profiles of young christian women on fire for Christ and I question if I’m doing enough, I wonder how awesome it would be to be in their circle or sometimes I find myself in a funk because it’s so depressing seeing all those young women with their lives all put together and perfect! I remember I used to follow these young Christian couples and think why can’t that be me? Why can I have it ALL like these girls with their awesome boyfriends, awesome jobs, awesome ministries, awesome friends, awesome church fellowship. I mean look at life just throwing rose petals on the ground they walk on and here I am with my life so clumsy and messed up!!!
I don’t want to be viewed like that, I don’t want to have anyone say oh she has it all together, because I don’t! I pray it’s clear that I don’t. it’s why I shared and will continue to share my shortcomings, my heartaches, my fears, my mess…. my mistakes. I want to be honest enough to say I struggled last month with writing posts because my heart wasn’t in the right place and the Holy Spirit couldn’t minister to me. I want to be able to say someone hurt me and I struggled to forgive them, to be able to say I was/am so angry at God that it’s become so hard for me to pray, to say that I trusted in my own abilities and failed, that I was tempted, that grew impatient of waiting for God to show up.
The idea of this blog was to create a space where i don’t only share what I’ve learnt and what the Holy Spirit would have me share about the Word of God, the kingdom and it’s standards but also where I can tell you and show you that you aren’t experiencing strange things, that someone out there has felt same like you have or currently are. To show that I don’t have it all figured out. I am definitely still learning, I’m definitely still making mistakes, still seeking counsel. I haven’t seen the full picture so I’m taking each day one step at a time. I get scared and worried sometimes just like you do, I feel alone just like you do, felt empty like you have, I’ve craved the world like you have, questioned the worth of this walk like you have and continue to wonder why God still bothers with me just like you do.
” I am definitely still learning, I’m definitely still making mistakes, still seeking counsel.”
I just wanted to remind you that behind these words is a 24 year old with a love for Christ and a love for sharing Christ’s love with this generation but also with a life full of crossed out notes, torn out pages, tear-stained eyes and eraser dirt patches. Behind these words is a girl thankful that God continues to write her story and make her life meaningful. Behind these words is simply an imperfect Princess loved by her perfect Father!