There is something I believe and that is you shouldn’t have a bad friend. That’s just me, but if I have to label you as bad then you shouldn’t even carry the friend title. Friendship is a choice you make consciously. You shouldn’t have to keep the tag on someone who has gone sore or toxic over the months or years. My opinion is if you have to call someone a bad friend and not as a joke or fun but because he/she really is then he/she shouldn’t carry the friend tag any longer. Some of us have bad or toxic ‘friends’ but we either have gotten used to it that it’s not a burden anymore or we aren’t seeing that its corrupting our own character and destroying our friendships with genuine people. Sometimes, we just brush it off like it’s not a big deal or ‘that’s just the way he/she is’. In this post I’m going to list 5 things that makes someone a toxic or bad friend. If you find me in any of these things, please you have my permission to cut me off as a friend. I can’t even be mad (ha-ha), so below are 5 types of friends you need to cut off because they are toxic and will bear no good fruits in your life
- The Unbeliever: if you didn’t expect this then I’m only going to assume you are new to my blog and that’s okay but this is a no brainer. I am not saying avoid unbelievers but to call one a friend? Wait!! How? So by what spirit were you drawn to each other? The Bible says be unequally yoked with unbelievers for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion has light with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14). Light is supposed to dispel all darkness (john 1:5) so how then do you have the light of God within you as a believer and it hasn’t consumed the darkness of your ‘friend’. So what do you talk about? What do you agree on? Whose standards are your morals and decisions based on? You are accountable for the salvation of your friend. If you can’t seem to witness to this person you call friend, please walk away. No I didn’t say stop loving them, I didn’t say stop paying for them, I didn’t say stop wishing the best for them, I didn’t say stop sowing seeds of wisdom in their lives but like I said in the intro of this series, friendship is a covenant so if the third part doesn’t believe in and serve the God that holds the friendship together then what are you doing?
- The Envious One (James 3:16): I honestly think I would have to write a whole different post or series on envy. It’s the nastiest character trait anyone can have. It’s one of the most consuming demonic spirits someone can invite into their lives. This is something you don’t entertain at all, the moment you see clear signs of envy please do yourself a favour and FLEE! An envious person is one who tries to compete with you in every little thing. There is an admiration kind of ‘I want something like what you have or do something like you’ and there is the envious kind that is ‘I want to be you’! I want to have everything you have or better. When you see that your ‘friend’ isn’t happy for you when something good goes your way and tries to play down how you should feel. This one please run! You need to be sensitive to the spirit, the Holy Ghost would prompt you to notice the little traces of envy. He or she needs to go, because envy starts like something small or something not to stress over but like every demonic spirit it seeks to steal, kill and destroy. Soon the person would be seeking your life. I know it sounds exaggerated but like I said I would need to pick this up again as the Holy Ghost prompts, maybe share my testimony about it.
- The leech: (Philippians 2:21) this is the one who sucks you dry. Be it mentally, physically or spiritually. All they do is take and take but never give. He/she clings to you for personal gain. The one who takes advantage of you in any way possible. Let me try and give examples. The one who only calls you to come along on a trip because you own a car and would drive, the one who calls you to hang out because you’d pay. The one who constantly borrows. The one who conveniently studies with you during assignments because you’d answer all the questions or the one who makes you do the assignments, write the essays or do the research for them. Yet, he/she is the one who is always in a ‘bad shape’ when you need help or a favour. No one should be comfortable in a one-sided relationship
- The showoffs: (Proverbs 11:2) I don’t think anything reeks of insecurity like a person who shows off. I apologize but I really cannot stand showoffs like I literally cannot!! Argh!!! It’s frustrating for me to witness it. This is the ‘friend’ who boasts of everything, be it ‘low-key’ or right in your face. They would tell it all for attention. I mean from one conversation you can gather how wealthy his/her family is or where he/she has been or things they have done or accomplished all from a conversation. I know there is the ‘I want to encourage you to work hard’ kind of personal information giving and there is the ‘I have a better life than you’. I mean these kind of people are the worst! You shouldn’t entertain them at all. Constantly trying to make you feel less so they appear superior but to be frank, people who showoff are simply insecure losers.
- The impressionist: (Matthew 23:5) so you may have a friend who always wants to fit in and it’s bad that he/she picks up another identity introduced to a new crowd or person. Your friend isn’t a drinker or party person but the moment he’s in an environment that crowns it as cool, he’s suddenly all up for it. It’s like he picks up a whole new identity when there is an introduction of someone new. Twitter is one of the breeding and grooming grounds for impressionist. I see so many people pick up entirely new identities to fit in, all in the name of “it’s just twitter” lol it’s honestly really sad to witness, you lose your entire uniqueness to please a bunch of people who are losing their own uniqueness to impress others and the lame cycle continues. Anyway, I know you are thinking how bad or toxic could that be, but the person is insecure and in dire need of acceptance that he will push you down easily to lift himself up and fit in. He will deny morals you both have to make himself look cool but most importantly he would suppress your good character. Fine, he might not drag you all the way down into his mess but you’d find yourself giving excuses for foul behaviour, conversations, and deeds because your ‘friend’ is involved. You’d find yourself sometimes even questioning if you are overly serious in your Christian walk. Anything that makes you feel embarrassed to express your faith or causes you to question the intensity of your relationship with your Father has to go!
Let’s try to avoid people with the character traits above; these are definitely not all toxic types of people you should avoid. I only wanted to give you a fair idea. It’s mentally and physically draining to have such people around you. You can’t bloom to your full potential with these thorns lurking around you. Friendship plays a vital role in your growth, your walk with God and in the journey of life. We entertain people full time when God only intended them to teach/bless us or vice versa for a moment. Don’t burden yourself with something or someone you can let go off. I know it seems hard to terminate friendships you’ve held on for years but like I always say, just be willing and God would back you with His strength. Remember always your circle of friends can make or unmake you.