From the beginning of the year, The Holy Spirit has been teaching me about friendship in ways that have definitely caught my attention. He’s been showing me the different sides to it and how to be a friend to my friends. Trust me, it’s gotten uncomfortable a lot of times and it’s gotten messy sometimes but I believe friendship is so important that God is taking time to show me where I’m handicapped and where my strengths are. He’s renewing my mind concerning things. He’s washing me clean of nasty habits I have formed in friendship. He’s taking me to school and using multiple channels- whew-sometimes I feel stressed.
I really don’t like to write about friendship because I feel like people think I take it too seriously or I make it sound like it’s a big deal, but to be honest I think friendship is a huge deal for me. Let me say and emphasize, this is not my blog. My intent really was to share something else, but when the owner said, “This way”- I simply followed.
I’m going to share with you a couple of things I’ve learnt and I’m still learning concerning friendship. Initially, I said I was going to share five things in my mind, then the Holy Spirit said, “What if I have more?”- He really has no chill. Lol
1 God is interested in the friends you make, very interested! He’s intentional about hand picking them for you. In truth, He fits them into His will and plans for you. No one is meant to do life alone. The proverbial anthem, ‘It’s me and my God’ that some of us have been singing isn’t God approved. God wants to be FIRST in your life implying that He doesn’t want to be ONLY. If friendship wasn’t important to God, He wouldn’t talk about it in His Word, would He? God intends for us to have lifetime friends. Friends who stick closer than a brother. A friend who sharpens you as you sharpen them as well. When I met my fish of a friend let’s call her Abasa, it was after just a few conversations with her I knew I was stuck with her for life. There was a knowing and settlement within my spirit that knew that God had sent me right to that place at that time so I meet her. I had questions and she met me with answers and I like to believe I had answers to her questions too. Why would God be intentional about your family He put you in, intentional about the person He wants you to achieve purpose with, be intentional with the country you were born or placed in but with regards to friendship He’ll say- Feeli free? In fact, pick them yourself and drop them as you please. Funny! He has walked your life with you to end before it begun for you (Or to quote Scripture, He declares the end from the beginning). He’s intentional about everything that happens in it. Nothing is a surprise to Him. He knew you’d make a mistake that would cause you to lose something but gain something greater as a result. He knew that person would hurt you but there was a beautiful lesson in there I can assure you and He knew that, that new path would lead you to something better.
” Home is an environment that nurtured you for the vision you are called for ” – Rev Benjie Djin
2 Friendship should be home! I say to myself and I say to God that when I meet my Husband I pray He feels like home. What does home feel like? Well for me it’s an atmosphere where you feel safe and secure, where you are free to be vulnerable. Free to not have all the answers or know everything. Home is where you feel the sense of belongingness, where you know love, where you can let your guards down, where you don’t have to be anyone but yourself. Where you feel warmth. That’s what friendship is supposed to be. It’s also supposed to be like any home, the place that challenges your thinking, your patience, and your sympathy. Sometimes it makes you angry, sad, and hurt. But it will make you laugh, feel joyful, and be content. Friendship causes you to expose all sides of your emotions. It shakes you up! But in the end you are always so thankful for having friends in your life.
” Home is an atmosphere where generations are born, legacies are created, inheritance is passed on, traditions and heritage of the vision are forged” – Rev Benjie Djin
3 There shouldn’t be boundaries in friendship. Friendship is meant to be spent with the people who will not hide anything from you, because you TRUST each other, you KNOW each other, you LOVE each other. Your business becomes their business and vice versa. With your friendship, you are naked and unashamed. You are not afraid to be judged, rejected or disrespected. You can tell them any problem that you have and they will never judge your approach or your inability to figure it out, neither would they downplay your emotions. They take a walk in your shoes and address the issues like they would expect you to do for them. I was talking to a friend last week and I said you cannot have boundaries in friendship and he replied that there should be boundaries, so I leaned back in my chair and gave him the opportunity to list out where friendship wasn’t supposed to touch and mind you he’s one of the most eloquent people I know, but he was fumbling. I think it shocked him that he couldn’t find any. I know The Holy Spirit arrested his tongue and said you can’t win this one. My pastor said something in church one day -“A friend is someone who isn’t at the right amount of distance to smell your perfume but close enough to also smell your breath- (Snapping fingers- DEEPS). My pastor and such weighted statements. It’s something else.
4 Friendship like any other relationship is SELFLESS. You don’t form the covenant of friendship with the intention to take! Your first thought is what am I giving? You can’t have a ‘me, me, mine’ mindset in friendship! It just doesn’t work like that. Friendship is built on love and love GIVES! For God so love the world that He GAVE. To give is to be mindful of the other person. It’s amazing for me that people really and truly believe that they can fail in friendship but be successful in marriage! It’s mind boggling! How do you plan to achieve that? They are both founded and grounded on the solid rock who happens to be Love! They carry the same principles, they are built by the same wisdom so I’m really curious as to how someone can say they are successful in one and failing in the other. Like I say and will continue to say, you’ve labeled people wrongly or you’ve also not fully understood the concept of friendship so I can really understand how this is a tough pill to swallow. Look, as I am writing this myself, I’m realizing more how clueless I was concerning the topic.
5 Friendship keeps you accountable and makes you responsible why? Love makes you responsible. When you love and are loved you don’t live life recklessly, you don’t make some decisions concerning your life in isolation of the people around you who love you and whom you love. Love straightens you out! Ever wondered why almost suicidal people give up that path because someone reminds them of the Love of God or the reminder of the mere fact that they are loved? Also friends keep you accountable to do the things you said you’d do and not do the things you said you won’t. Even in working out and dieting most people achieve the best result when they have a partner who keeps them on track. I have a couple annoying friends that I really don’t even understand why I tell them my plans because once the words leave my mouth to their ears or text leave my phone to their eyes, there is no way on earth I’m not getting it done. Friends don’t only encourage you, they are also there to discourage your folly, to rebuke and give correction when necessary. This is directly linked to number three where I said you really can’t have boundaries with friendship because he/she is supposed to unapologetically walk into your business and tell you as it is
6 Let me just throw this bomb in there… I know I’ve said it in my other friendship posts but ah well! A CHRISTIAN CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH AN UNBELIEVER! ” Once again Scripture reaffirms, be ye unequally yoked with unbelievers. I know again people will object and fight me and themselves on this one but it says in scripture how can two walk unless they be agreed right? It doesn’t say unless they agree, it says unless they be agreed unless they are joined together by something greater than themselves. If you claim, you are a friend with an unbeliever and you are Christian then you are WICKED and the Spirit of God doesn’t abide in you. Who would mindfully watch their friend in the dark, kick their foot against the pricks and travel down the road to nothingness. Also, who can hold up a candle of light in a dark room and the other people in the room do not receive light as well? Let me say it in this new trend of statements I’ve been seeing on Facebook- ‘Light that cannot give light to all of the room or house, is that one too light?’ Jesus our perfect model wasn’t friends with the unbelievers, did he love them? Absolutely! Did he care for them? Yes, He did! Did He help them, heal them, teach them? Yes, He did but call them friends? No please! There is something either wrong with your walk as a Christian because the Greater One in you should have arrested and witnesses to that ‘friend’ by now or you are simply tagging the person wrongly. You are giving a title, a place to someone who is undeserving. You can’t be friends with someone and not care about what’s going to happen to their soul or how they are not on the road achieving purpose.
I know our number one problem is that we slap the friendship label on just anyone. We have people tagged as friends but to be honest to God and yourself, they are simply acquaintances. This is no fault of yours because as humans, we work with the definitions and understanding we have. We build based on the materials we have but in Christ, provision is made in the Word to lift us from where we are concerning things such as this to where we ought to be. Friendship is a covenant. It’s a soul knit! Read the story of Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel 18. It says ” and Jonathan loved David as His own soul”. It’s because we don’t look at friendship like this that’s why we don’t give into friendship like this and that’s why we don’t reap from it like we should. We however serve a gracious God who is ever ready to help us gain knowledge and break down ungodly principles to experience friendship like He intended.
I don’t know when He’d have me pick up this topic again and dive even deeper but I hope you pray with and for me that I’m sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit to hear Him when He calls. I hope you were blessed by this and by all means feel free to ask questions if you want, if I have no answers for them hopefully someone else reading would.
Until next time, stay blessed.