We live in a time where some people believe you have to be cold and emotionally detached to be seen or tagged as strong. I used to be one of those ‘people’. I was definitely the number one believer of that for a very long time.
How dare you be a softie and cry at anytime and over almost everything? How dare you feel compassion for someone who deserved what was coming? How dare you care for someone and be hurt by the person so much that you close up. How dare you take a long while to get over a break up? How dare you feel alone sometimes and admit that you need company or a hug? How dare you be sensitive!!!
Lol, I mean how??? You are weak if you do all of those things. No strong person does that. We are cold, we are insensitive and definitely not in touch with any emotion, well except anger and disgust. Looking back now all I can say is ‘poor child’. I was at the peak of being the weakest human ever and I didn’t even know it. I want to believe I wasn’t/am not the only one with this perception. For us, being strong is building a fort around our hearts with no entry or exit points and making the heart grow cold. I thought I was protecting myself but I was gradually damaging myself.
I’m sure someone would ask when I realized it was a problem. All my life I knew there was something wrong with me because I had so much unexpressed emotions bottled up inside of me that sometimes I try to pull out a cry but I get a laugh instead, or I try to pull out a laugh and then I get anger. The moment I realized I was indeed emotionally sick was in 2011. A friend passed away and from the day I heard it to the day he was buried I did not shed a tear. My heart was broken and it ached but I had built up very strong defenses against crying that my brain couldn’t connect to my emotions to allow me to express what I felt on the inside. I lied to everyone that the reality of his death hadn’t hit me yet but it had. I felt it hard on the inside, a pain in my chest but to cry? Nah bruh!! – That’s when I knew it was breaking me apart!!
I would never say or write I love you to anyone even if I did love him or her. In my large empty head, admitting that you loved them and actually telling them was giving them all the power in the world to abuse it and hurt you. I absolutely hated Hugs( hehehe I’m sure my friends are nodding hard at this point, I’m changing guys!!!) One reason, was that I don’t know but there was just something about hugs, like you are allowing someone to invade your personal space even if it was for just a second. I could give you countless scenarios of my cold and emotionless times but that would make this post lengthy.
Let me go to the point now, being cold and emotionally detached from everything and everyone is not I repeat is NOT a sign of strength but of grave weakness.
“Out of the strong come forth sweet” – Judges 14:14
The Bible states that clearly in the scripture above. Sweetness comes from strength. Being strong is you being warm and in touch with your emotions. NO, not being over your head caught up running with your emotions and leaving your brain on the side but a healthy balance.
- Being strong for me now is not being afraid to cry when you need to.
- Being strong as a woman is knowing and accepting that you can NEVER take the place of the man. As a Christian woman, you shouldn’t even join the demonic race of trying. We were designed for our own unique role, which cannot be accomplished trying to stand in the place of a man. WE ARE NOT MEN BUT THATS TRULY OKAY. It doesn’t make us weaker just different.
- Being strong is admitting that you loved and got hurt and you would not be okay (even if it’s for a year). Take your time and heal properly.
- Being strong is telling people you love them if you do. Never leave your family or friends in doubt of your love for them just because you’d seem like a softie constantly saying it, but mind you, don’t switch ‘I’m sorry’, ‘forgive me’, ‘thank you’ or ‘give me something’ with ‘I love you’. As you can see there are already words to express those.
- Being strong is being able to say you were wrong and apologize sincerely for harm caused, it’s being able to forgive people for hurting you instead of fighting back.
- Being strong for me is admitting that you need someone or people. You can’t be on this voyage called life alone. It’s close to unbearable and God doesn’t even approve of it.
- Being strong is admitting to yourself that sometimes things are hard and it looks like life is fighting you and winning but not wallowing in pity. Choosing to trust in God who promises never to forsake you and never to let circumstances overwhelm or overtake you.
- Being strong means accepting that you don’t have all the answers so you are willing to learn and listen.
- Being strong means letting go of anything that causes pain. Be it a memory, a relationship…
- Being strong is sometimes choosing not ‘win’ the fight or argument
- Being strong is allowing yourself to love and be loved
I’m still on the road to recovery, taking baby steps. I’m nowhere near where I ought to be as a strong sweet woman but I’m definitely not sitting where I used to be. I would definitely be writing about the road to recovery. I mean now you know you have a problem, but what next? If you have any experiences, suggestions or questions please don’t hesitate to contact me. Until my next post,
Stay Blessed. xoxo