I remembered an incident that happened last year around this same time and I thought I should share it because I need to remind myself and someone that the little things really do matter.
Here it goes,
I was tired, in my mind, in my body, in my spirit- I was tired! I had quit my job the month before so I was just home, alone with my thoughts. I had become so angry and sad! ‘Friends are supposed to notice you aren’t okay‘- what’s wrong with these friends of mine, are they so preoccupied with their lives that they cannot sense I was in need of some comfort, company… something!! Where are my old ones, the ones I had great moments with, the ones that I had my loudest laugh and silliest moments with. I told myself that maybe God removed them because they weren’t relevant to my growth anymore, but it still hurt.
Before I continue let me say, Friends on their own are not supposed to notice you are not okay, however, friends WHO ARE SENSITIVE TO THE HOLY SPIRIT should and would notice you are not okay, even If you are not near them, even when you put on a show of joy or if they haven’t seen you in ages. A friend who fellowships with the Holy Spirit would always be prompted that his or her friend is not okay.
Okay so back to my story, it was endless nights of being sick physically and mentally. Day after day of hating that night would come, but there was this particular week I was beat! I was just too tired for anything, the furthest I’d go from my room was the kitchen. I’d just lay in my room and stare at the ceiling while my mind takes a trip to Worryland. On the Wednesday, I cried out to God and said, “Why isn’t any one hearing you? I mean you put structures in place for a purpose, I’m grateful that you never left my side and you gave me parents and siblings who are sensitive to your voice to know I needed them but where are my friends? Where are the people you showed me growing with!” My support system I called them, then my phone beeped! Thinking it was a message from one of my group chats or better still my dictionary giving me the word for the day, I hesitantly picked up my phone. Immediately, hot tears ran down my face! No the tears didn’t have that gentle start, the moment I lifted the phone to my face and my eyes landed on the last question mark, it was a waterfall!
It was my friend from university and all she said was ‘Jewie are you okay?‘ At this point I laughed in the middle of the tears and looked up at my ceiling and said Thank You! He did that, God did that!! Usually I would respond that I was good and play that everything was all sunshine and rainbows but I couldn’t so I replied and said I wasn’t and her reply made me laugh even harder. She said, ‘Look Jewie, God loves you! He loves you papa! For 3 days, I heard your name, I heard check up on Jewie, it was loud, it was persistent! In class, in my dorm room, on the street, I really tried to ignore it but it was too loud’.
ARE YOU OKAY?
That was it, hearing those words, ‘Are you okay?‘ woke me up! For some people it might be a little of a deal, but for me it was HUGE!! God doesn’t do things in isolation, He doesn’t! Everything God does serves purpose. God sees our struggles afar off, He knows our problems, God knows just what it would take for you to have a turn around. In recent times, I have come to learn that God can make someone cross your path now for a particular purpose in the future, it may be 10 years away but it would make sense. God would put someone’s name on your heart or mind, sometimes you meet someone who mentions a friend from your pasts name so randomly- Don’t ignore it, don’t roll your eyes and do nothing about it. Don’t dismiss it like it’s nothing because those alerts serve a purpose.
For lack of knowledge my people perish.- Hosea 4:6
I think it’s very insensitive for people to say ‘but why would you want to kill your self? What’s wrong with you?‘. I think it’s sick and silly but I understand people who think and say that because for 23 years of my life I used to be ‘those people’. I keep saying it in my other posts that I really thought depression was a myth, an attention seeking myth and people wanting to kill or harm themselves are complete idiots! If I heard someone killed themselves I’d spend about 25 minutes insulting them and their families and how they shouldn’t have a funeral for them and all… MERCY!
Unfortunately, I thought so for the longest time until I almost got there myself, until I almost saw giving up as my only way out! The devil speaks loud, clouds judgments, he isolates you so he can have ‘fellowship’ with you to destroy you. Let me say this, to people who have considered suicide, TRUST ME! It makes sense, seems like the only logical escape, seems like the best option! Sometimes they are so overtaken and beside themselves that they are unaware of what they are being led to do. I was telling a friend recently that I can’t even allow myself to do that trust exercise where you lean back for someone to catch much more to throw yourself off a building or bridge, to hang yourself, to shoot yourself, cut yourself, overdose on pills, drown yourself- you are definitely definitely not in your right mind. The devil has the steering wheel and is driving you to do these things. Depression is real and it is demonic! The devil gets a passage in and if you are not strong in Christ or surrounded by people who are, the next thing you know you are neck deep in depression and your only way of escape is the way the devil’s
Depression is real and it is demonic!
It doesn’t seem like anything when it’s starting, same way Eve didn’t think much of the serpent when she started talking to him. I mean he was simply asking her questions. How could that be harmful? The early signs are sometimes easy to miss. People call it a phase, people call it having a moment, people find all sorts of labels for it. Next thing you know you are in a dark place and don’t even know how!
So for anyone who finds themselves going into some out of character phase, if you lie to others, don’t lie to yourself that it’s nothing! SPEAK OUT! TELL SOMEONE! GET HELP! It’s not the easiest thing but it’s the necessary thing. For anyone who notices someone is out of character, don’t ignore it, SAY A PRAYER, REACH OUT, SHOW LOVE, BE THERE AND BE KIND! When someone’s name hits your heart, don’t ignore it please!!! You might be here and fine because someone out there didn’t ignore yours and mounted up prayer for you! I know I’m here writing this now because the prayers of my family, the church and my friends held me up! Most people we walk by are battling a lot in their minds and in their lives. Be Christ to them, remind them that tomorrow is a new and good day to start over, that no situation is beyond God. He redeems and restores, He heals and comforts, He a Fixer, Deliverer, Provider! He is able to do above and beyond anything you need. Amen