I have a problem and I need to address it! Some of you would agree with me, others will roll their eyes and say I’m dramatic or an over thinker which I am so I totally understand. I need to get it off my chest now! I really do not understand where people are going with weddings these days! I just don’t!!! I try to understand it but I can’t! But that’s not the topic for today, I think I’d have to make a video to share my sentiments on that because it would be lengthy in writing (lol). Today I want to talk about the bridal train or party or squad. I’m not abreast with the new term for it so let me say the bridal party.
Hmmmph! My goodness!!! I really don’t even know where to start from. Anyway let me just put out this disclaimer; I’m in no way saying this is how it’s SUPPOSED to be but this is how I assume it should be or this is how I view it. MY OPINION guys! I’ve seen some people get swallowed online for sharing their personal views. Sometimes I get it, the views are stupid but it’s theirs like the way this is mine. Back to the topic… I believe people are making a mockery of what a wedding ceremony is about! This is a ceremony where you make a commitment to your partner before God and people so they can hold you to the commitment you chose to make, vows you chose to speak and decisions you decided on. It’s where you stand to make your covenant with God before friends and family.
“Marriage isn’t a contract between two people it’s a covenant of 3 people with God in the center.” Rev. Djin
Honestly I don’t even know where to start from. Let me just share with you my 2 cents on what or who I believe the bridal party should be made up of. I’m not going to put you in my bridal party because we text often or you’ve been around my house or we’ve been together at a certain place during a certain period. I’m not going to put you in my bridal party because we’ve hang out a couple of times or we have photographs together. Why? Because the bridal party is deeper than the world is making it look like for me. So I am MOST DEFINITELY not placing some random acquaintance in my bridal party because; she will make my pictures look admirable (ridiculous); she’s the same skin tone as I; she or her relative helped in the planning of the wedding; she asked to be a part of the train; or that I should have a long train since that’s in vogue. I’m absolutely not doing that… why?
• For me a bridal party goes beyond matched dresses, dances and pictures. A bridesmaid is a friend who isn’t just invested in your wedding but is invested in your marriage and life as a whole. This should be someone who was right there in both the dirt and glory of your relationship. Someone who prayed with you during the courtship, gave you counsel, encouraged you, rebuked you when you got into a fight with your partner and it was clearly partly or fully your fault! Someone who watched and helped build this relationship! My bridesmaid should be the person who squealed with me when my partner did something unexpected, cute or exciting and also comforted me when I messed up. My bridesmaid is the one who was and is there for me constantly, sharpening me (Proverbs 27:17) and picking me up when I fall.
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17
OMG! As I write this now, the Holy Spirit just witnessed to me, asking me if I had noticed the standing arrangement of the bridesmaids. That they stand behind the bride because they are her support, her backbone, the pillars that hold her up when she trips or falls, they stand behind her because they are the people she can trust to fall on for prayer and counsel. They are the ones who will push her and support her in being the best wife she can be. I don’t know about you but I haven’t viewed it this way before. They protect her blindside when it comes to her husband. They provide emotional support to her. So I’m sorry but the role of a bridesmaid exceeds planning weddings and following the bride around the grounds. It’s someone who should be as close to you spiritually, mentally and emotionally as they are physically close standing next to you.
• Likewise, a bridesmaid is someone that my husband can and should trust to give me good counsel. My dad said at church once that your bridesmaid should be someone your husband can call to put you back in check when you are playing the fool. People have this mind that when you get married, it’s you and your husband alone against the world! That’s just ridiculous. It’s too heavy a thing to carry alone… God approves and approved of friendships for reasons such as marriage because you are going to need someone who can give you counsel (Godly ones of course) concerning something you aren’t seeing right about! (I’m not in any case saying you should always run to her anytime you have a marital problem instead of seeking God’s face. And I’m not saying she should constantly be in the affairs of your marriage) Your bridesmaid should be the friend who sticks closer than a brother well sister in this case (Proverbs 18:24). So these are not girls you casually went to school with or hangout with but should be someone your partner not only knows but can trust! Someone he can call on to put you in check, ask for the best way to surprise you, someone he can call on for help decoding your female language he just can’t understand. (hehe) I know you think it’s extreme that your husband should know them well but this is just me.
” someone he can call on for help decoding your female language he just can’t understand.”
• Again maybe this is just me but unless she lives far away and even that isn’t an excuse… your children should know her. (lol) I know you aren’t even married yet so how does your unborn child get to know her? What I mean is as you select your bridesmaid, okay no, as I select my bridesmaid …I’m selecting someone my future kids would recognize from the photos because she’s in their lives, she’s their godmother maybe, she’s one of the aunties who mummy is always talking to or who has picked them up from school or just someone they identify. I don’t want to now explain to them how someone they have never heard of stood right next to me as I was joined together with their father. My dad always says you live today with tomorrow in view! Decisions you make today must have your future considered. It just hit me that my mum never put me in a wedding train when she wasn’t invested in the couple’s marriage. If I was a part of your wedding it meant she prayed with and for you, she was up in your face with teachings, instructions, corrections and rebuke. It meant she believed in your union not just hand me to any random individual because they wanted someone cute to be their flower girl (let me claim cuteness small) same thing I want.. I want you to be a part of my wedding because you believe in my union, that you were up in my face and honest about it, that a couple of years down the line I’d still choose you because you still influence my life positively.
Since I’m talking about bridesmaids let me just squeeze in here something about the new fashioned bachelorette party. My goodness!!! I would ask what is wrong with the world but really? I don’t expect anything less from people living in the world. However as Christians … how on earth did we give way to the tiny dresses, drinking, dirty games, nasty cake design ‘wahala’. I mean??????? Yes we should have our laughs and play some games but my definition of a bachelorette party is one where you and your girlfriends pray together on this journey you are about to embark on, that they make sure they are ushering you into marriage loaded with godly counsel and prayer. I went for a friend’s bachelorette party in July 2015 and it wasn’t your typical modern day kind. We were friends from different parts of her life so we shared stories about how we knew her, we gave her counsel and she did same. There were tears and there were laughs. It didn’t trend anywhere but it was one of the best gatherings I had been to that year.
Really though, choose me because I make your marriage beautiful not just your photos. Maybe I’m just being overly dramatic but if you are not new to my blog you’d probably know that I really am (haha). These things are important to me, I don’t like to do things for doing sake. My dad always fights me because he says my favourite word is ‘why?’ Sometimes I go overboard with the questioning but I usually want to know the purpose of a thing, the reason behind why I’m doing what I’m doing… I don’t like to follow blindly. I enjoy looking at photos with these well photographed brides with their long train of beautifully dressed bridesmaids but I can’t help but ask how many of these women are as invested and excited about your marriage as they are about your wedding. If I know how the spirit works, I know reading this caused a little stir in your heart and only a handful of friends you actually need in your train came to mind, maybe only one person even. I’m not saying give up your 1001 bridesmaid goals but ask yourself what’s your motivation in having them? Most importantly ask yourself, are they sisters that you can really count on to have your back beyond the train?