So I had been instructed to write on purity for the longest time but I have fought it because I wasn’t sure about the response I’d receive, then I remembered to obey is better than sacrifice. We are in an era where everything is sex-absorbed. Pre-marital sex is promoted on our TVs, radios, commercials, in magazines…. Everywhere! You can’t go a week without encountering this demonic concept somewhere. We are falling further below Gods standard of purity. We in the Christian community are compromising certain things that are clearly unpleasant in the sight of God. We are simply not living a life wholly set apart for God. Our relationships and activities we engage in these relationships resemble the world’s, our ‘goals’ are of worldly couples, our definitions are not biblical. I mean how can you even convince the unbeliever to give their lives to Christ when they see no difference in your lifestyle.
Im not a proverbs 31 woman yet in my opinion, I still have A LOT of work to be done, I’m not a ‘chef’ in the ways of purity. I’m not here to condemn anyone, neither am I here to give a set standard of what virginity or purity isle should be. I couldn’t even because I’m still learning about them myself. Im finding out new things about it every moment. I’m just sharing the little that I know or have learnt so far concerning the topic. For the introduction of this series, I’m sharing a little bit of my story.
Sooo I have never had sex in the 24 years I’ve been on this earth but I’ve been a virgin for 2. I’m sure that line would be quite confusing for some people and no there is no mistake, I meant exactly what you read. Give me a couple of minutes and I will try to explain what I mean by that. This is how I personally view my situation, I’m not saying this is what scripture says directly but this is how the Holy Spirit helped me understand it.
To be a virgin apparently means to be a person who hasn’t engaged in sexual intercourse. Wait no, rather for a girl it’s one who hasn’t had her hymen broken and for the guys someone who hasn’t had sexual intercourse. Why did I make the distinction? Well because I’ve heard some people say yes there was an intercourse but no it didn’t get too far to break the hymen.
For me however, being a virgin now isn’t all about having your hymen intact, but rather staying pure in your mind and body entirely to honour God and your husband. I know someone just rolled her eyes but that’s exactly why I started this post by saying this is MY story. So what did I mean when I said I haven’t had sex in the 24 years I’ve been alive but a virgin for two? Well I did TRY to stay pure in body but my motive was wrong. What was driving me to stay ‘pure’ was wrong and not Holy Spirit inspired.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor” – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4
Virginity for me now is first a spiritual activity then a mental one, which is just made manifest physically. It’s not something you present but something you fruit. That is to say you don’t try by your own strength to keep yourself, that’s just too much work but rather you find knowledge from the word of God, you meditate on it till your heart receives that word then you fruit it by the grace and strength made available through the Holy Spirit. Being a virgin to me is avoiding any act that has the power to persuade me to engage in lustful activities or acts that would try to ‘make up’ for the fact that I’m not having sex. It isn’t just about not having sex because so many people in the world abstain from sex alright but still pollute their hearts and bodies with so many other foolishness of the world. Being a virgin for me now should be just one of the many manifestations of being pure and not to exalt yourself but to glorify God in your body and spirit.
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. – 1 Corinthians 6:20
I didn’t fully understand why God asked us to save ourselves for marriage or why He asked us to honour Him and our future husbands by staying pure in our bodies as unmarried women until a youth camp in 2014. So for me, how was I a virgin and staying pure if I didn’t have a solid scripture based why. Why did I stay pure in my body for the years before? Because I didn’t want my parents disappointed in me, I had heard it was a sin to have sex before marriage and the biggest reason for me was because I did not love my body enough to show it to anyone.
I always tell the people close to me that honestly if I had the body I loved and found ‘sexy’, I really am not sure if I’d be a virgin today. I mean it would have taken less convincing. I would have just convinced myself my parents probably wouldn’t have noticed or cared. So yeah, until 2014, I was not having sex because of reasons I made for myself not because of my understanding of how God views it through in His word.
So when I say I have only been a virgin for two years, what I’m trying to say is I’ve only been fully Christ-conscious about my decision to remain a virgin till I’m married to honour God & my husband and began leaning on God’s grace to hold onto that decision since the year 2014. Now, I could be my goal body size, my parents could give me the go ahead (which would never happen but let’s assume) and I would still confidently choose on my own to wait, based on knowledge received, my understanding of its significance and also God’s view on purity and the consequences of fornication. As time goes on, I would definitely be sharing what I learnt during that youth camp that changed my intentions concerning this topic.
“I’ve only been fully Christ-conscious about my decision to remain a virgin till I’m married and began leaning on God’s grace to hold onto that decision since the year 2014”
Anyway it is important for me to mention, and for you to remember that God can redeem anyone, and He can heal those who have indulged their flesh. You do not have to feel condemned or guilty because you don’t seem to measure up to the ‘standard’ of virginity. When you come to Christ, You are made anew in Gods eyes; the only eyes that truly matter to be honest regardless of the state of your hymen. This series of purity is to encourage virgins and those who have become celibate or reborn virgins since they came to Christ that, they are not alone and their decision isn’t for nothing. It is also to empower unmarried women who still indulging their flesh or having sex to see the dangers of it , to begin seeing it the way God sees it and join us on our journey of celibacy.
Beyond abstinence from pre-marital is staying pure in heart and mind because staying pure in mind and heart translates to staying pure in body as well. That’s what God is interested in, people who are pure in heart and mind because out of a pure heart comes the Christ image and likeness needed for this journey.
Until next time, Stay blessed! xoxo
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. – 2 Corinthians 5:17